wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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