So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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