Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
