My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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