Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
