I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
