he thought i was a dude.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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