Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
