Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She just used a chaser for red wine.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
