i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
