I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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