If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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