This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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