yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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