Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
