So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize