There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
