hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I need to calm my uterus...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize