Just fell off a train. Bad.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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