So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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