Grow some girl-balls and come out already
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Randomize
