somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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