I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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