found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
