Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
