I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
