Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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