My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
