This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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