I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize