dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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