I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
