i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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