so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
