Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
