You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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