I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
