i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
