If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
