Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
