i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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