What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
