i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
