There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize