i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
