I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
