Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
