now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
