i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
