yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Bring me that man meat
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
