i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize