Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
