guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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