well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize