I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
