he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
