thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize