And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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