And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am midnight drunk by noon
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
