All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
