I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
