you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
