I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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