Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
