It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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