2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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