If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize