i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
