I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
so much tequila, so little girl.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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