I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
